“What if I wasn’t so lucky, Jemma? What if my partner didn’t apologize or try to understand me back? Now what? What do I doooooo!!??” It could be that they didn’t really understand you. So do what Aaliyah (may she rest in peace…) suggests, dust yourself off and try again.
- Identify the actual issue.
- Ask for what you want.
- Tell them how it would make you feel.
- Shut up.
- Let it go.
- Accept their apology and/or their attempt to make amends.
- Wash.Rinse. Repeat. If their offer is unacceptable or their apology (if necessary) doesn’t contain personal responsibility for their actions, then it’s a different story. You might need to revisit the actual issue again “When you blow off my requests to load the toilet paper correctly, I feel disregarded.” Then describe what you’re looking for specifically and with practical action steps. “Since it doesn’t matter to you either way, and I know you care about me, I’d love it if you’d try to make a habit out of putting the roll in the way I like it.”
Stumbled upon this in the middle? Get back to step one of these communication tips by clicking here.